i gotta let you know, a house still doesn't make a home.

I may be older but my nightmares are still the same. What would have made me the happiest 10 years ago is still exactly the same. I'm still the same little girl hoping and praying that my parents would stay together. I know its selfish but how can i ever do without one of them. 

 

 Its so unfair that its so fucking difficult for us to be friends only because you cannot keep your feelings for me to yourself.

 A little girl, asked where her home was, replied, "where mother is."

 What most people don't understand is... it's not that I wanna get married young for the sake of being married. I don't wanna be married at 24 just so I can get the easy way out of life. It's not because I wanna stay home and take full advantage of my husband's money. If you know me well enough, you know that I want so much more out of life. In fact, sometimes I feel like I wanna be too many things/person in just one lifetime. I wanna travel and stay in a few places for at least 2 years each, I want to save animals. I want to study law, I want to be a broadcast journalist. I want to be my own boss, I want to work for a boss. I want to do so many things. 

But sometimes all I really want is to get married and start a family. Because I want to remember what it is like to be in a loving family. I want to go out for family outings. I want to celebrate birthdays and go on holidays with my family. I want my kids to have a family. I don't want them to cry themselves to sleep at young ages because their parents won't stop fighting. I don't want them to live in bitterness. I want them to believe in love. I want them to understand that it's okay to love and be loved. I want my kids to grow up happy. 

All I really want is a family. 

 Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone

Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside

 I stand before you accused of many crimes
But I want to believe that love can still survive
You don't have to say it, I don't have to read your mind
To know that emptiness has finally arrived
How was I to know right from wrong
Words were hardly spoken, so where did I go wrong
Tell me honestly, if you're still loving me
Looking into my eyes honestly
Words have more meaning, if they're said at certain times
I need you now so I can feel alive
How would you know if you won't give me some time
To see if everything could work out & you'll be mine
I'll be lost forever or someday I may find
The words that I've been searching for or just some peace of mind

All the nights I sit and wonder -there must be more life
I'm sure that days and years go by while
I am living with, living with a lonely feeling

 i see this wall you're building. its been there for a while now. i didn't think much of it then because i was busy with other things. i was busy with keeping you out of my life. and for the most of it i think that went well. and then i started thinking about you more. i see you're happy and im constantly looking for signs, tell tales that you're not. its almost like i wanna see you down and hurt. so i can step in and be that person for you. the one who for no reason, puts a smile on your face. the one who hugs you and suddenly nothing is evil in the world. the one hand you hold and feel like you can fly. the person you were to me. the person i still want you to be. i'm done with thinking and believing that it was a mess i could have saved. i'm done trying to figure out where i got it all wrong. i'm done with seeing images of us in my mind and smiling without realizing teardrops in my eyes. i'm done with moments that only seem to happen in the movies. i'm done believing in you. but i can never be done with you. because you're never gone. sure you're not the same person, sure we hardly ever talk anymore. but you're not gone. you appear a little too often in my dreams. i gotta admit that sometimes i go to bed wishing i'd see you in my dream. but thats only because i miss you that much. but let me tell you this, you never appear when i wish you would. most of the time you catch me by surprise and i wake up in tears. of course they aren't all bad dreams. in fact i can safely say i dream only good dreams of you. but the tears come when it hits me that it was all only just a dream. and thats always the case, isn't it? you're never there when i need you to and i'm never there when you reach out to me. i think we're sad and twisted like that. i think we're just lost in our ways. i think the universe don't like us together. its like wanting something but never getting the right way towards it. because maybe you're not supposed to get it. maybe, just only maybe we're not meant to be. and honestly, i don't like the sound of that. not at all. see, the universe brought us together. we didn't ask for that part to happen. and what it brought was magic. but somehow, along the way, we lost it all.