And I, have to speculate:
God himself did make us into corresponding shapes;
like puzzles pieces from the clay.
True, it may seem like a stretch.
But it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head,
when you're away, when I am missing you to death.
They will see us waving from such great heights;
"Come down now," they'll say.
But everything looks perfect from far away;
"Come down now," but we'll stay.
 

Oh the irony. I came back home merely 4 days after the previous entry. Turns out that a few hours after that something traumatising happened. =/ 

But I'm home and blessed with many many many awesome people who love me.
and nothing else matters :)

but i truly miss hanoi now. bleh.

I'll be back in 14 days. I have a love-hate relationship with time. Seriously.

Pray, to be only yours I pray. To be only yours. I know now, you're my only hope.

Everytime i think of my late grandmother, i remind myself that she led a wonderful life and it was time she leave for somewhere better. sometimes it gets me through the night but sometimes i cry myself to sleep. because she is mine. she's my grandmother. the only one who could say that everything would be alright and made me believe it. my grandmother. she loved me. i know. its been almost 2 mths now but i always think about her still. most of the time i have to stop myself. sometimes i can. sometimes i can't. whatever happened on the last 5 days of her life will always play like a tape on my mind. i still cry the same because it hurts all the same still. and sometimes its never the same kind of hurt, you know? i was such a wreck and i told myself that this is a totally different level of hurt and pain altogether. i thought that i can never go further. like it was the worst of all the hurt you can experience. but thats not true.  each day you remember how much it hurt yesterday and for some reason it hurts more today. when they say its gonna get a lot more worse before it gets better, they weren't lying. trust me. i don't know how to say this. i may be crying with so much pain in me right now. but i know i am happier inside. and stronger too. happier and stronger. and most days, i see and feel it so evidently.

I don't know a lot of things but one things for sure. I could fall in love with you.

Despite of all the breakdowns I've had for the past 3 weeks, this is truly the best birthday in my life. Its much easier to feel like you're alone and nobody cares. But I've learned that if you let people in and open your heart and eyes wide enough, you'd realise that you're not alone. I know so many people who love and care for me. I feel extremely blessed and overwhelmed because I know there are people who have not given up their faith for me and despite the burden I put them through, they don't give up on me. Sometimes I am like I'm thisfuckingclose to giving up entirely but then I see how much they believe in it and it keeps me alive. I've learned that change takes time. Change needs adaptation. I've been so disturbed lately by how crazy life is to me and I'm determined to change for the better. Life is fragile and you never know who's going next. I can't let myself take the chance of my prayers not being accepted by God. I've made so many mistakes in my life and its just so sad that it take a tragedy for my eyes to see. I'm still struggling to forgive myself and as far as I'm concerned, I gave myself the best birthday gift ever yesterday. I made me smile from within and it was the best feeling in the world. Thank you God, for showing me the way.

Internship is freaking awesome.
So many things went in my favour today.
Thank God because I'd never get this opportunity if I were to be leaving for Vietnam.

I can never judge the world really. But I know better than to (claim to) love someone and leave them when they're at their breaking point. Its almost... inhumane.

HO WELLS.

I can't rid the world of sorrow but i can always live in joy.

:)

I close my eyes, for a moment.
& the moment's gone.